If the requests were not in fact true, they would be hilarious. Back in real life, the rude demand of 'EPIDURAL ROOM 2!' being bellowed down the phone the second I get my toothbrush out, (which is only about three seconds after I have left the labour ward) is barely civil, never mind professional.
The phone is hung up before I can say 'Do you know anything about the lady?' (it's always nice to have some idea of the carnage you are about the walk into), but no, they've gone. Sometimes, if I'm feeling petulant I do not respond to their summons. When they page me again and again and again, innocently I say we must have got cut off because I was asking them some details about the patient before meeting her- heaven forbid.
Now I know why it's called labour yard (and its nothing to do with the patients!
Anyway, I could go on and on as I'm sure many of us could.
If you want to share your mad midwife story please do in the comments box below.